We have a really bad habit at the Fite household where after dinner, the boys ask the same question. “Can we have dessert?” I thought once we ran out of Halloween candy, we’d be done.
But no. It took months to work through that stockpile of Sixlets, Twix, and Starburst. And just when we started to see the bottom of their candy bags, Easter hit us like a ton of sugar-filled bricks.
Photo credit: t-bet (Creative Commons)
So every night, fifteen minutes into dinner, my three and seven-year-olds ask the, “Can we have dessert?” question. And my answer is always the same. “After you eat everything on your plate.”
That’s around the time that an all-out melee breaks out. There’s weeping (the boys) and gnashing of teeth (Missy and me) and I wonder why we even have candy in the house in the first place.
Here’s the thing. It’s not that I don’t want to give the boys dessert. I do. But the little hellions didn’t eat their dinner. They’re trying to skip a step. So I do not bequeath their beloved sugar unto them.
For whatever reason, this scene of my boys skipping a step is what I think about when my thoughts drift to some of the prayers that I’ve been sending up to heaven lately. Prayers that despite my best efforts, haven’t been answered. I don’t know why, but it seems like some prayers get a response while others travel to Never Never Land, never to be seen or heard from again.
At least it feels like never.
It can be frustrating to pray and not get the answer that you expected. Or not get an answer at all. But the more I think about it, the more I realize why some of my prayers aren’t being answered.
I think it’s because I’m not grateful.
Prayer is super important – but how we pray matters, too. And when I think about how I pray, I notice a trend. See if you can find it yourself:
Help ME do this and I’ll never ask you for anything again… give ME that thing that I want and I’ll be happy… do this for ME because I’ve worked really hard and I think I really deserve it.
They sound like the prayers of an eight-year-old. And in a way, they are. But the thing I hope you noticed is that my prayers are all “me” focused and center around what I want.
I can’t help but wonder if the real reason why some prayers go unanswered is because most of us aren’t grateful for the things that we already have. I don’t think God is up there power trippin’. He doesn’t make us jump through unnecessary hoops or sort through a bunch of red tape to bless us with good things. He wants to bless His children. But He wants us to follow a process, too.
And I believe that being grateful for what you have is a prerequisite for asking for something better.
Because the crappy house you live in now was the very thing you prayed for years ago that you no longer appreciate because you want a bigger place to live.
Because that stupid car that you can’t stand and want to trade in is the very thing you prayed to get years ago and drove away from the dealership feeling like a million bucks.
Because that job you hate is the very job you spent countless hours praying that you’d get an offer for not too long ago.
That doesn’t mean that we don’t outgrow our homes or we drive around in beaters our whole lives or we don’t look for different job opportunities.
But it does mean that while we pray for something better, we need to be grateful for what we have.
Because that house that’s too small protects your family and keeps them safe. That car with all of its dents and dings gets you safely to work every day. And that job provides for your family.
I’m not suggesting that if you pray a grateful prayer that it’s going to be answered. And I’m not saying that we should never pray for blessings or for things that will make life better for us.
But I’m starting to think that being grateful for the things that we already have is a step that most of us skip in the process of praying and believing for something better to happen to us.
We can’t let the things that we want make us forget about the things that we already have.
I don’t really know if being ungrateful is the real reason why prayers go unanswered. But I’m going to try to be more grateful. Because it’s a necessary step that we can’t afford to skip anymore.
Life isn’t perfect. Be grateful, anyway.