July 2020
Hello from Orlando!
I’m finally back to writing and I’m making great progress on Blake Jordan #7. These last few months have been really tough, having just come off a sixty day hiatus from writing. I have to admit that watching those blank calendar days add up on the large wall calendar I use to track my writing was really tough. Being stuck was even tougher.
Because, knowing I can write about a chapter a day if I really push myself, and knowing my books are sixty chapters long, seeing those sixty blank days was painful. They say, Hey Ken, you could’ve written a whole new novel in sixty days. And, At the very least you should’ve finished #7 during that time! What’s your problem, anyway?
My problem, as it turns out, was me…
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I happened to take a personality test a few weeks back. The results were eye-opening. It explained a lot about how I approach my work. So I thought I’d share what I learned:
It said I’m a perfectionist. No, worse than a perfectionist… the kind of person who won’t even start on a project or continue working on one unless I’m 100% sure it can be 100% perfect. For someone who does creative work, this can really work against you!
So what’s the solution? Not write for two months? Not make any progress whatsoever?
Of course not. I need to realize my tendency is to not work on things I’m not sure can be perfect, so I need to get better at short-circuiting this urge whenever it comes up.
As I read through the rest of the kinds of things my personality type does, I couldn’t stop smiling and at times, laughing out loud. It was spot on and explained so much…
It said I’m terrified of making mistakes and this creates analysis paralysis, so I’ll put off working on something because… why work on it if I’m not sure if it’ll be any good?
Which is funny because how can I judge something until it exists?
We worry a lot. Not out of fear of a worst case scenario, but out of a need for things to be perfect and good and right the first time. Because we hate rework and fixing things.
My type spends a lot of time thinking about the consequences of our actions and about what could happen. Not because we’re afraid. Because we want to be prepared.
My worst fear, by the way, is being the last person to walk into a meeting and there not be any open chairs left for me. It’s happened. It sucked. And it’ll never happen again!
And we don’t want to have regrets, so we agonize over decisions, even if they’re small.
We’re rigid in our planning and in our decisions (when we finally make them).
We notice when things are out of place. Or crooked. And if we can’t straighten it, omg!
It said I fixate on small imperfections. It reminded me of the TV hanging on the wall in my living room… how it’s slightly crooked and it annoys me every single day and will continue to until someone more handy than me can fix it. And I remembered the huge whiteboard in my office that I still haven’t hung yet because I’m worried it’ll be crooked!
I think I bought it last fall! LOL!
It said I see the world in black and white. Things are either right or wrong. I’m either a great writer or I’m terrible, there’s no in between. I remember my friend Tony telling me in college that I needed to start thinking in ‘zebra.’ I think he was onto something…
We’re critical of others, but our secret is we’re even more critical of ouselves. We think, I should’ve woken up earlier today. I should be farther along on this project by now. These are the kinds of thoughts we have which are not really helpful thoughts at all.
Our past is examined in excruciating detail. Did I say the wrong thing? Did I lock the door? Or leave the stove on? Which explains why I compulsively check the stove every night before bed. Not once have I ever left anything on. I know this. I check it anyway.
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Those were all of the negatives. But there was some light at the end of the tunnel:
My type often leaves a comfortable profession to do something extraordinary, if we feel there’s a higher calling prompting us.
And if we’re brave enough to answer the call…
We need to feel like we’re making a difference in the world, which I think is mostly why I write (and why I love reading emails that my readers send me every day).
We’re diligent and take pride in doing things well.
We constantly strive to improve in our chosen profession and try to outdo ourselves.
We take action from our heart. Because, besides Jesus, our hearts are the only other thing that’s perfect.
We’re dependable. If we say it, we’ll do it. People can count on us.
We’re imaginative, highly focused on details, and caring.
We make good managers, special agents (lol), private detectives, and yes, writers.
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Learning more about yourself isn’t helpful unless you do something with what you learn. I need to stop trying to be perfect and know that nothing I’ve ever done the first time ever was. Aside from writing, much of life is a first draft. A first attempt that may or may not go well. But things don’t have to be perfect and most decisions are reversible.
Last week, I ignored the calendar. I started writing anyway. As I mentioned, I’ve made great progress. Six more chapters done. That’s ten percent. Better than zero percent. You can’t make a second draft until the first one is done. I’m trying to remember that.
I have a lot to learn about myself and I know I haven’t even scratched the surface, but taking that test was a good starting point for me. At the very least, I learned that I need to ignore my inner critic. Because the past is in my head, but the future is in my hands.
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