July 2021
Hello from Orlando!
It’s hard to believe that summer is almost over and the kids are going back to school soon. I’ll admit it’s been hard to concentrate with the boys home all day long. As the countdown continues to the day they go back, I’m reminded of those funny memes of depressed kids standing around on the first day of school with their parents in the background, jumping in the air, clicking their heels, happy to be getting their lives back.
That will totally be me, taking “first day of 4th and 7th grade” pictures, out on the lawn, waving goodbye, then skipping back into a quiet, tranquil home where I can finally focus on doing quality work. So it’s really made me think a lot about how happy I’ll be when they go back to school. Because for those who know me well know I’m not really that happy unless I’m getting words down on a daily basis and I’m in my groove writing the next book. Because of the craziness at home and not being able to focus on writing, I’ve been spending my days finalizing my paperbacks. But the craziness has also made me think a lot about a quote I came across a while back about happiness:
“For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin – real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time to be served, or a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.” -Alfred D. Souza.
These paperback files I’ve been procrastinating on for all these years have been taking up so much time to finish. And while I’m glad to finally be getting them done so I can get back to writing once the boys are gone, that quote really struck a chord with me…
Because how often have I thought lately:
“If I could just finish these files, then I’ll be happy.” Or…
“If I could just get back to working on my novel I’ll be happy.” And…
“If these kids could just get back to school I’ll be able to focus and then I’ll happy.”
But wasn’t I going to be happy when the last school year was over and I wouldn’t have to worry over grades anymore? Wasn’t I going to be happy when I finished the last novel I was working on? Will I be happy when the paperbacks are done? What about the hardcovers? What about the large print editions? And what about the audiobooks?
I’m not alone. I think a lot of us believe we’ll be happy when the ‘next’ thing happens.
But the truth is, those things we struggle through as we wait to live our best life… those things are life itself. One day, my kids won’t ask me to watch a movie with them. One day, they won’t want to show me every lego creation they’ve made. One day, they’ll want to spend time with their friends instead of me. One day, they’ll grow up. And one sad day, I’ll look around, and they won’t be here anymore. I’ll wake up and they’ll be gone. And then I’ll be sitting here thinking, I’ll be happy when I hear their voice again… I’ll be happy when they take time from their busy life with their own families to visit their dad. They’ll stop by to see me, and I’ll be happy for a while. Then they’ll be gone again.
And then this house I waited for so long to be quiet and serene will be the very house I’ll wish was once again full of noise and laughter, with loud movies, with the smell of popcorn, running outside on Wednesdays to catch the ice cream truck, the nagging to take them to the pool, the painful legos scattered all over the carpet for me to step on.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m still gonna be out there on the lawn clicking my heels their first day back at school. And that day I’m probably going to crank out three amazing chapters once I have some peace and quiet and I can focus on writing my silly book.
But deep down, I know there will always be that small, soft voice telling me the lie… that there will always be something else I’m supposed to wait for in order to be happy.
At last it dawned on me that these obstacles are my life.
So as I wait out these last few days of summer until I can finally get back to my writing, I’ll try to be happy in the moment with where my crazy life is, right here, and right now.
Because life is too short to be anything but happy. And because one day, I’ll miss this.